One of the things I always try to emphasize to the clients who come to me for life and business coaching is for them to be kind to themselves. So often we are our own best critics. But how often are we our own best encouragers and supporters?
One way we can encourage and support ourselves is by cultivating the habit of treating ourselves kindly.
Dr Howard Schubiner has developed a Mind Body Medicine Program at Providence Hospital, Michigan and most recently has published a self help book on how to unlearn your pain. He says (p160), 'One of the most important ways of ridding yourself of MBS [mind body syndrome] and improving your psychological health is be kind to yourself. I cannot emphasize this enough. ... I urge you to take time each day to be kind to yourself'.
He gives the following list of examples. Here they are (with my embellishments).
- Accept that you are human and that you cannot be everything to everyone.
- Accept that because you are human, like everyone else, you have faults. Accept these faults and at the same time, acknowledge that you are a good person. If you weren't a good person you wouldn't even be trying to be everything to everyone!
- Forgive yourself for your mistakes just as you would forgive others whom you love. If you find it difficult to forgive yourself, you might like to try the following words that I personally have found helpful. 'Even although I find it hard to forgive myself for [ ... insert whatever the matter is ... ] I still completely love and accept myself.' Just keep repeating these words until you start to feel calmer and more peaceful. I find this form of words very useful at any time I notice negative emotions like anxiety, anger, frustration, disappointment and so on, rising in me.
- Learn to say 'No' to certain requests. It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that because we could say 'Yes' that we should say 'Yes'. Often it is not in our own best interests or the best interests of the person who makes the request for us to say 'Yes'. We all need to live our own journey, find our own path, make our own mistakes. I believe that part of our journey is to aspire to 'equal and balanced partnerships' with others and that can involve becoming aware of what boundaries are appropriate for us in each of our relationships. And in practice, that means learning to say 'No' on occasion.
- Taking time for yourself. However much we enjoy the responsibilities of family life, work life, social life, we need to take time out for ourselves on a regular basis. This can mean all sorts of different things to different people. We each need to take time to figure out what is the best way for us to take time out for ourselves.It could be time to do something we enjoy but haven't included in our life for a while; it could be time to take a walk or some form of regular exercise; for some people (if you have been procrastinating on these tasks to the point of pain) it could be time to tidy up the office or declutter the kitchen or complete a tax return. An excellent way of taking regular time for oneself - and a way that has been shown to lower blood pressure, improve inflammatory conditions and increase feelings of calm and peace - is the practice of meditation. Even five minutes regular practice each day is a habit that will pay dividends. Five minutes once a day is good. Five minutes twice a day is very good. Five minutes three times a day is excellent!
- Realize that you are an important person on this earth and that you deserve to be happy and healthy. You are equally important as the next person. You do deserve to be happy and healthy. If you have to make this a regular affirmation, do it: 'I am important and I deserve to be happy and healthy'. Peggy Phoenix Dubro, who developed the EMF Balancing Technique of which I am a teacher, likes to talk about each of us being here to express our particular piece of the truth. Taken together, all our individual pieces of the truth make the whole. Conversely, the complete whole needs all the individual parts. I like to think of this as a kind of gigantic jigsaw puzzle. When all the parts are present, we can see the total picture. If parts are missing or lost, the picture is lost. We are all important in the big scheme of things and to play our part we can and should develop habits that support our health and happiness.
Till next time, let's be open to new ways of inviting happiness by cultivating the habit of being kind to ourselves starting right now.
Justus
